5 ways to approach overwhelm
When it comes to calendars, meal planning, the to-do list, does anyone else always feel like it always falls apart? The analogies for what it has looked like in our home lately are endless, chickens with heads cut off, fire drills, things falling off the literal and figurative table- left and right. “Chaotic season”, “reactive mode”, “emergency mode”, “survival mode”… time to get the f out of here mode.
Allow me to clarify, I am aware that all people and families experience times of business and chaos. And anyone who knows me knows I have a low threshhold for a lack of planning and disorganization. But they also know time management is not something that comes naturally to me. Way back in January when everyone was reflecting on their past year, everything unraveled. I felt overcommitted, overwhelmed, and over tired. My usual tricks weren’t working and we were all in over our heads. And so, after having a good cry (and a few tantrums), I decided it was time to get out of overwhelm for the last time…for awhile.
Here are the tricks I use to get out of overwhelm. I hope you’ll find them helpful.
Choosing one thing
This is the hardest part for a person who takes joy in refining things. When I am overwhelmed, sweeping changes feel like just what I need. But take it from a seasoned expert, this strategy only results in disappointment and, well, overwhelm. Choosing one thing takes some observing and some discussion when it makes sense. Don’t worry; you can come back to the other things someday.
The one thing
Consider the times of day that seem the most chaotic, then trace backward to uncover the reasons. For us, it’s meals… My husband and I agree the hardest part of our day is meal times. Why do we constantly struggle with meals again and again? Well, because no adult in our family enjoys meal planning, the kids are vegetarian and can (of course) be picky eaters, and then there’s keeping groceries stocked, and doing the actual meal cooking.
Create a rhythm
Create a rhythm where you can. The reason things like meal planning and stocking groceries aren’t happening is that we had no rhythm and routine to support such an activity happening. And so we run to the store in the evening, try to squeeze in a shopping trip before kid pick up, or just order online, only to see that it can’t be ready until the next day.
For shopping, I picked a day that we tend to need groceries and made the day before mandatory grocery shopping day. It’s non-negotiable; groceries must be procured on this day. Of course, I have rebelled and found myself right back in mealtime chaos & overwhelm and deeply regretting my rebellion. We can’t always shop, so sometimes it means ordering and picking up or delivery.
When we lived in California, our children’s school did a meal rhythm for lunches and we followed something similar for dinner. It was amazing how much it simplified meal planning. We lost track of it and I’ve recently reinstated it. An example is Monday: Rice, Tuesday: Tacos (of course), Wednesday: Soup, Thursday: Pasta, Friday: Pizza, Saturday/Sunday: Anything goes. It can be loosely interpreted and flexible but it means that if someone didn’t go to the trouble of meal planning, basic ingredients for the meals above will always be stocked. No more dinner-time decision fatigue.
Seek assistance
I have a tendency to overfunction without realizing areas where maybe I could have some help. Everyone’s situation is different, but grocery delivery and collaborative shopping lists (Alexa is great for this if your kids will refrain from hijacking it) are two things that I forget about, and they really help us. I even saw neighbors taking turns with Trader Joe's runs!
Get creative and have fun
Sometimes we can’t tackle the overwhelming or chaotic part of life because it’s just miserable and there is no way around it. When shopping, my kids look forward to getting to drink a coconut water, and Trader Joe’s hides a stuffed animal in the store. I even kind of like searching for it. See if you can make the miserable task fun or rewarding in some way. We’re also getting creative trying some meal boxes; will report back.
If meal planning is your one thing, here are some things that work for us:
Follow the plan, stick with it. It’s not always fun and sometimes it sucks. I listened to this podcast on time management and feel empowered and refreshed. We’re pulling it together!
Habit stacking, it’s tempting to roll out these changes all at once but they tend to stick if they build upon each other. It’s psychology, it’s well researched, it’s so much more effective.
Two other things I’ve tried and loved Shira Gill’s meal planning is great if you find yourself at the grocery store without a list. And Loveleaf’s meal planning has a systematic way of approaching meals where the ingrediants are repurposed. Less complexity, less waste!
Letting go of perfection, pivot when needed. Have grace with yourself and try not to ruminate on what went wrong when it does. As an enneagram one this is my biggest challenge. Refining and reflecting can be helpful but likewise, so is picking up where you’ve left off.
